There is an Arab proverb that says something along the lines of if you want to go fast, go alone but if you want to go far, go with others.
I think it applies to writing as much as anything else in life.
When I started [read more]
Mandy Baker Johnson
Living without Shadows
Tag: writer
Last Wednesday I went to a dance as worship evening. I’d signed up for it a few weeks previously, then had a minor panic: ‘What have I done? This is my worst nightmare.’ I was always the kid in PE at the back of the room doing as little as possible in a very unco-ordinated, awkward sort of way.
Ladies in graceful, flowing costumes demonstrated and talked about portraying biblical truths in dance. I was drawn even while thinking, ‘But I’m not a dancer, I’m a writer.’
The next day at home I decided [read more]
When I first thought God might be calling me to be a writer, I was excited: a childhood dream come true!
But it didn’t take long for doubt to set in, and those of you who know me can testify to my teetering back and forth.
Who do I think I am trying to do this? Is this really what God wants? Do I even have a gift?
It’s draining.
I even do the ‘right’ thing and take my doubts to God: ‘Are You sure You want me to write?’
It’s kind of inevitable that I tie myself in knots and end up chained by fear. Fear of failure, fear of what people think.
Too often my confidence is affected by how many Facebook likes I get for a blog post or whether it’s retweeted on Twitter. A comment on my actual blog makes my heart sing and dance.
But this is a dangerous position to be in. I’m settling for praise from people, which is nice, but not what I should be aiming for. My aim should be the heavenly ‘Well done, good and faithful servant!’ from Jesus. It’s His opinion that really matters.
While it’s helpful to know if I’m reaching anyone through my writing, ultimately I need to focus on writing for an audience of One.
I love that the Father had adventures planned for me before I was born: things to do, places to be, people He wants me to mother. How exciting is that?! The Father must be pretty passionate about me because He puts these desires in my heart, and is guiding me step-by-step into all He has for me.
So, how ever much I have wibbly-wobbly doubts, my part is to respond to the revelation I have right now.
For me today, this means taking writing seriously and giving it time, energy and prayer. If I’ve misheard, my Father will graciously redirect me.
The Father doesn’t clobber me over the head for getting it wrong. Nor does He operate through fear. He is love and perfect love casts out fear. So when I detect that knot of fear in the pit of my stomach, you can bet it doesn’t come from God.
What if I don’t pursue this dream because I’m scared of getting it wrong or failing? On that day when God is giving out rewards to His faithful ones, is it possible I could miss out because of being scared to go for it?
Adi and I have just been watching the documentary He named me Malala. It made me realise again how much I have for which to be thankful.
I had an education. Maybe not the best (my senior school has since been bulldozed), but I got my GCSEs and went to college.
There is freedom of speech in the UK.
I’m free to be a follower of Jesus and to pursue His present calling on my life to write and to work with women in the sex industry.
I’ve never been in a war or had to flee my home in fear. There is a scene in the documentary where Malala meets Syrian refugees on the Jordanian border. She could relate, having become a refugee inside her own country before seeking asylum in the UK. It’s so far out of my experience that I can’t begin to imagine what they are going through. But Malala knows, and it showed through.
So today I’m celebrating my life, thankful to God for the generous benefits He’s given me. I am who I am by His grace alone.
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