Mandy Baker Johnson

Living without Shadows

Tag: PTSD

Present

As soon as I saw today’s Lent word – present – this post came to mind.

Living with post traumatic stress (PTSD) and related mental health issues often means a fight to stay present. Small things can trigger a traumatic memory: a scent, an action, a word, even quietly sitting reading. With little warning I’m catapulted into the past and reliving something I’d rather not.

Sometimes it is simply that the present moment feels too much and my body gives off danger signals, causing me to disconnect from reality. This can happen several times a day.

With intensive therapy, I’m slowly learning to recognise triggers and avoid them if possible. My amazing therapist has taught me ways of distracting myself to stay present and in the moment. One of my favourites is a word game: I go through the alphabet naming girls’ or boys’ names. If Adi is around and I’m struggling to stay focused and present, we take it in turns to call out names, the quicker the better.

Scamper is my little faithful standby. Concentrating on his furry head and smooth paws can help me stay present. If all else fails, he is a very comforting bear to hang on to in the emotionally-drained-and-exhausted aftermath of multiple disconnections.

I took this photo of Scamper in the superhero cape I knitted for him at a recent visit to my therapist.

 

Out of Silence

I’d been looking forward to the second of Annie Try’s books in the Dr Mike Lewis series and I wasn’t disappointed. Out of Silence gripped me from the first page and kept me guessing right to the very end with its twists and turns. Absolutely brilliant.

Bearded Dr Mike Lewis is the central character, a clinical psychologist suffering from depression and struggling to keep on top of his busy and demanding job. He lives alone in a soulless flat following the death of his young son and subsequent break-up of his marriage. You get the impression he has lived in a vacuum for the past five years from which he is now beginning to emerge. It is almost funny watching this loveable bumbling man’s bachelor-type ineffectual attempts at everyday life. He comes across as caring but quite naïve at times, very human in fact and someone I could relate to.

Another key character is Mike’s young client Johnny Two, a teenage asylum seeker who is so traumatised he is unable to speak. Helping to unlock Johnny’s voice with pretty art therapy colleague Anita helps Mike to come to terms with his past and finally allow himself to grieve the loss of his son.

Working with Anita involves Mike in a bit of a love triangle featuring the two of them and his ex-wife Ella. Mike’s bewildered confusion and efforts to make things right is all rather endearing.

Add in a grumpy, stressed social worker who is extremely sceptical about Johnny Two’s alleged trauma, medical secretaries who don’t hesitate to let Mike know their approval (and disapproval) of his treatment of Anita, and a dangerous psychopathic patient stalking Mike’s colleague, and you have a fascinating read.

I loved this book and have given it 5* on Amazon. It’s a novel where you think, ‘Just one more page and then I’ll go to bed,’ and an hour later you’re still avidly reading. I’m looking forward to more in the Dr Mike Lewis series.

Instant Apostle provided me with a free Kindle copy for the purpose of writing an unbiased review.

 

© 2019 Mandy Baker Johnson

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑