When I first thought God might be calling me to be a writer, I was excited: a childhood dream come true!
But it didn’t take long for doubt to set in, and those of you who know me can testify to my teetering back and forth.
Who do I think I am trying to do this? Is this really what God wants? Do I even have a gift?
I even do the ‘right’ thing and take my doubts to God: ‘Are You sure You want me to write?’
It’s kind of inevitable that I tie myself in knots and end up chained by fear. Fear of failure, fear of what people think.
Too often my confidence is affected by how many Facebook likes I get for a blog post or whether it’s retweeted on Twitter. A comment on my actual blog makes my heart sing and dance.
But this is a dangerous position to be in. I’m settling for praise from people, which is nice, but not what I should be aiming for. My aim should be the heavenly ‘Well done, good and faithful servant!’ from Jesus. It’s His opinion that really matters.
While it’s helpful to know if I’m reaching anyone through my writing, ultimately I need to focus on writing for an audience of One.
I love that the Father had adventures planned for me before I was born: things to do, places to be, people He wants me to mother. How exciting is that?! The Father must be pretty passionate about me because He puts these desires in my heart, and is guiding me step-by-step into all He has for me.
So, how ever much I have wibbly-wobbly doubts, my part is to respond to the revelation I have right now.
For me today, this means taking writing seriously and giving it time, energy and prayer. If I’ve misheard, my Father will graciously redirect me.
The Father doesn’t clobber me over the head for getting it wrong. Nor does He operate through fear. He is love and perfect love casts out fear. So when I detect that knot of fear in the pit of my stomach, you can bet it doesn’t come from God.
What if I don’t pursue this dream because I’m scared of getting it wrong or failing? On that day when God is giving out rewards to His faithful ones, is it possible I could miss out because of being scared to go for it?