Mandy Baker Johnson

Living without Shadows

Umm, Should I Be Here?

Do you ever wonder if something is meant for you, whether you are important enough?

I do.

To give you an example, my church usually offers a ministry time during or after a meeting when people can go to the front for prayer. It’s one of the many things I love about Grace Church. But a few weeks ago, I responded hesitantly to the invitation to go forward for prayer wondering as I did so whether this was really meant for me. It clearly was, because I had an amazing and powerful encounter with God that dropped me to the floor and changed my life.

So you would think that when a similar invitation was issued last Sunday I would race confidently to the front, wouldn’t you? Ha!

At least this time I didn’t dither and hesitate. Much. I arrived at the front pulling a ‘should I really be doing this’ sort of face and fighting the urge to dart back into my seat. Was I important enough? Was this meant for someone else? Should I really be here?

Once again as someone prayed over me, I couldn’t stay upright. But instead of enjoying God, I found myself assailed with doubts. Had anyone noticed I was on the floor again? Was this blessing meant for me or had I made a mistake? But then I made a decision.

Lord, I really want more of You. Thank You for meeting with me. Please show me more of who You are, and do whatever You want.

All the doubts disappeared, the fear of what other people may or may not be thinking receded, and God was amazingly gracious in showing me a glimpse of His compassionate, missional heart – and almost bursting mine in the process.

Clearly, as far as God was concerned, I was right where I was meant to be.

What started me off thinking this was reading Beth Moore’s ‘Jesus, the One and Only’ and her insights into the account in Luke’s Gospel of the woman who’d suffered with a gynae problem for twelve years.

There were huge crowds around Jesus when Jairus, the ruler of the synagogue, came to Him and asked Him to heal his young daughter who was dying. It was clearly an urgent case – life and death. But the suffering woman managed to sneak up behind Jesus and touch the very edge of His garments. He was her last hope. Despite spending a tonne of money on healthcare, no one could make her better. But she had faith in Jesus. As soon as she touched his clothes, she was healed, and began to slip away into the crowd. Jesus knew at once that power had left Him and asked who had touched Him. The disciples pointed out the obvious, that He was being jostled by people on every side. Yet Jesus knew that wasn’t it. Eventually, this woman stepped forward, trembling, and explained what she had done. Did she feel as if she shouldn’t be there? Worried she might be in trouble and criticised? Maybe. Jesus was so gentle with her. He reassured her and told her to be at peace. Beth Moore points out that Jesus wanted her to enjoy her healing and encounter with Him rather than sneak away like a guilty thief.

Perhaps the woman felt unimportant beside the ruler of the synagogue. Maybe she felt invisible. Maybe she felt herself to be unworthy. Jesus was in the middle of a life and death situation and perhaps she worried that she was in the way. Can you identify with her? I certainly can! One thing is definite, that is not how Jesus saw her. To Him, she was important. He willingly met her need – not just her physical need, but also her emotional and spiritual needs. And that is how He sees you – as precious and worthy of His attention. He delights in you and longs to bless you, far more than you realise.

Thank You God that You see me. Thank You for being so gracious to me even when I come hesitantly and wonder if I should even be there. Thank you for lavishing blessing on me and for meeting all my needs. There is no God like You!

Photo used by kind permission of and phasinphotos.


  1. Beautiful, powerful and true. Thank you….
    I wish more people could understand that as big as God is, as good as HE is, he meets us right where we need HIM; every time, without fail.


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