I love New Year. I love that there are are 365 fresh new days ahead of me. For me, it’s a time to pause and take stock, before breathing in deep and jumping into the year ahead. How about you? Are you making any New Year resolutions? I don’t tend to make them, although in 2013 I am aiming to write for at least 15 minutes every day….
2012 has been a year of lows and highs. It began with changing from a frustrating job where I was a square peg in a round hole to working for myself as a medical secretary from home. A bit of a dream come true! Then there was a series of quite serious misunderstandings that I suspect God allowed into my life to teach me the necessity of pleasing God rather than man and the importance of forgiveness. The Lord stripped away key friends who would have helped to clear up the misunderstandings, forcing me to lean on Him. And by doing so, somehow showed me something of my worth and the value He has put on me. When I know I am precious to God, misunderstandings – though deeply hurtful – begin to fade into insignificance.
I lived in a happy dream bubble during the Jubilee and the Olympics, revelling in all the pomp and ceremony that we Brits do so well. I was glued to the television at certain times…. I’m sure I’m not the only person who forgot to breathe during Louis Smith’s near-perfect pommel horse routine. I screamed when Beth Tweddle won bronze on bars and leaped around the lounge when Andy Murray won gold. I even yelled encouragement for athletes when I had no idea who they were, but they were wearing British colours and that was good enough for me.
Our church weekend away in June was an amazing time of connecting with God in a deeper way than ever before, enjoying chilling with friends and laughing till it hurt at our crazy church cabaret.
And then in September, the Lord restored to me the final thing that had been taken from me by the illness two years ago – my work with a mission organisation. It’s as though He has now drawn a line under that period of illness and said ‘no more’, leaving me to simply enjoy and build on all the benefits I received from that time.
And this brings me onto a verse that I’m going to take with me into 2013 from Psalm 90:
Satisfy me each morning with your unfailing love,
so I may sing for joy to the end of my life.
I love that I have a history with Jesus. I love that I have special memories of our times together (like when I was between healings and kept saying to Him, ‘I love You’ but worried in case I was being irreverent or something. I still remember tears welling up when He whispered to my heart, ‘I died to hear you say that’). I love that when I was drowning in shame over the misunderstandings last spring, He had a prophetic word for me in church which replaced the feeling of shame with one of hope and comfort. I love that recently when I’d fallen into a particular temptation yet again and was beating myself up over it, I told Jesus in despair that He could do anything He wanted with me to get this wrong thing out of my life. That Sunday, He had another prophetic word in church for me telling me not to fix my attention on the sin but to concentrate on Him. Always grace and gentleness and understanding. Even when He has to be stern, He is incredibly gentle with me. He knows how easy it would be to break me. I love that I’m loved like that. He is my protector against demons in the night and nightmares. He is my healer and the one who is working tirelessly to make me whole. I love Him.
And so, my desire and prayer for 2013 is that He will satisfy me every single morning with His unfailing love. Because then I will sing for joy, and I want to be a joyful person for the rest of my days. Do you know the best thing about knowing Jesus? It will never end! This relationship that is gradually deepening in intimacy will just get better and better and better.
What’s your New Year resolution? I hope part of it will be to get to know Jesus better.